Week 47: To pee or not to pee

Poo-poo and the potty.
There is no other social situation I can possibly think of where grown adults can openly discuss bodily functions like triathlon training. Imagine the horror at Buckhead Betty’s next dinner party when someone asks how many times she was able to pee herself. You would hear crickets chirping after that question was asked.
But discuss it we do. Over and over. And sometimes in such graphic detail that I wonder what is wrong with us. Instead of it being a contest of who raced the faster pace at Richard B Russell Olympic Triathlon, it has turned into “who went poop the most times before the race”. And the stories are always told to me with the largest grin on the storyteller’s face. It’s kind of like it takes people back to when they got to announce to their parents for the first time that they used the big girl toilet.
People will offer up to you their strategies to get you to participate in peeing on the bike. “Don’t wear socks,” they say. To reduce the evidence. “Wait until you are riding downhill” so you can relieve stress on your bladder. I don’t think they are really trying to help me pee on the bike. I think they are trying to feel less guilty for peeing on it themselves by incorporating more people into their cult. I meant club. No, I guess I really meant cult.
And so I have fought this nonsense. This peeing on the bike. I even went out and bought a white kit that would prevent me from doing so. But then something happened on my last century ride. I finally drank enough water to stop me from dehydrating. And it was a lot of water. Something like 9 bottles over 100 miles. And I was having to stop and pee behind trees because I couldn’t wait until the next SAG stop. You might tell me I drank too much water on that ride. I will say I felt fantastic for the first time ever when I got done with that century and given it was 95 degrees out, I will consider it a success.
What did happen though was I finally understood why people pee themselves. If you have to sit on the bike constantly thinking about peeing, it is VERY distracting. You want to be comfortable leaning over in aero when you are placing pressure on your bladder.
There are other strategies I’ve heard that are more advanced. Like using urine to be a deterrent to people drafting off of you. First of all no one drafts off of me because I am too slow. And I think it might take years of experience to actually be able to direct my urine in such a manner. And well, I think only guys can do that. But if I get to that skill level, well, you’ll be the first to know.
There is one runner friend of mine who can pee so easily while standing up that she often has to remind herself when standing around in her running clothes NOT to pee. We aren’t dogs. It’s not really that acceptable to just stand around and pee, you know.
I guess in a weird ,sick way I like that we are all so open about this topic and willing to help each other with tips. It makes me feel like a little kid again.
Oh, I guess you might ask, what did I decide to do? About peeing on the bike? If I don’t have my white kit on, the next time you see me at a race it might be a clue. ;)